


Turnips to Her Nips

by BrandonStrayne



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood and Injury, F/M, Halloween, Hogwarts, Roleplay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:28:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26588149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrandonStrayne/pseuds/BrandonStrayne
Summary: Teddy has been fantasising about the weird, whimsical and wonderful Luna Lovegood for years, but he never imagined the event that would push their relationship to the next level would be a mishap with a turnip and a most-decidedly unprofessional nurse costume.
Relationships: Luna Lovegood/Teddy Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8
Collections: Wangs and Fangs: A Halloween Cross-Gen Fest





	Turnips to Her Nips

**Author's Note:**

> I am aware that title is the literal worst, but it made me laugh, so what the heck! I promise the story is not nearly as corny as the title is, if you decide to push through that big red flag and continue reading. :D
> 
> My most sincere thanks to my fantastic betas, [OllieMaye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/olliemaye), [Drarryismymuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatchersn/pseuds/Drarryismymuse), and [Keep_Calm_and_Expecto_Patronum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/keep_calm_and_expecto_patronum) for all of their suggestions and agreeing to help me with this, even though it meant they had to read a het story. ;)

There was a knock at the door and Teddy cast a nervous glance around his rooms. He was just about to open the door when he spotted a stray sock peeking out from under the couch and he pulled out his wand and summoned it to him, shoving it into his pocket. Taking one more nervous look around the room, he nodded in satisfaction and then rushed over to the door. He took a deep breath and then yanked the door open, a wide smile that he hoped covered up how nervous he was plastered on his face.

“You came!” he exclaimed, cringing when he realised how surprised and excited it came out, but Luna just smiled serenely at him and floated past him. Closing the door behind him, a fresh wave of nerves washed over him and he stood helplessly as Luna circled slowly around his sitting room. Occasionally, she would spot something that snagged her interest and would stop, reaching out with long, graceful fingers to pick it up to examine it. Fortunately, his sitting room was quite small—one of the drawbacks of being the newest member of the Hogwarts staff—so he wasn’t left there holding his breath in anticipation of what she would say for very long.

“Your home has a very comforting aura, Edward.” As she spoke, she lifted the strap of the bag she was wearing over her head and set it down on the floor. Then, as if she already felt perfectly at home in his space, she slipped off her ballet flats and settled onto the couch with her legs tucked underneath her.

Teddy shuddered at the way he said his name. Ever since he was a child, pretty much everyone had always called him Teddy. Luna, though, had always called him Edward. Oddly, the formal name, because of how rarely he was called that, made it feel more intimate than his much more common nickname was. It felt like something just the two of them shared. It also made him feel like a man, and not the lanky, goofy child that everyone else still seemed to think of him as. Every time Luna called him Edward, it made Teddy want to puff out his chest and take her in his arms.

Propping her elbow up on the back of the couch, she rested her head against her hand and regarded him with an amused look. “Are you going somewhere?”

Teddy realised he was still lurking in front of the door and must look like he was contemplating a quick escape. He cleared his throat as he walked unsteadily over to sit on the other end of the couch. He wanted to kick himself when he realised that If he had just shifted a little to the left, Luna’s knee would just graze his leg.

“I was thinking we could carve some traditional Hallowe’en lanterns.”

“Huh, what?” Teddy asked, distracted by the debate raging in his mind over whether he could shift closer to her without it being painfully obvious. To both his relief and disappointment, Luna shifted and slid her legs out from beneath herself, setting her feet down on the floor in front of the couch. Teddy felt like he could breathe again without her soft skin tantalisingly close, but he was still disappointed that he’d missed the opportunity to touch her, even in such a small way.

“With the kids,” Luna explained patiently. A small smile tugged at her lips and Teddy shook his head, trying to focus on their conversation and not the intoxicating scent of lavender that she was exuding that was trying to turn his thoughts to mush. They were supposed to be here to plan the Hogsmeade Hallowe’en activities, which were going to be especially elaborate this year since Hallowe’en happened to fall on a Saturday. Headmistress McGonagall had made a special allowance so that all of the students could go into Hogsmeade and enjoy the festivities.

“Oh, yeah, that would be brilliant. I always loved doing that when I was a kid. My favourite was when we made it look like the pumpkin was puking up the seeds and stuff… what’s that?” As he was talking, Luna had bent forward and was digging around in her bag, emerging with two dirt-covered turnips.

“They’re turnips,” Luna confirmed as she passed them over to a stupified Teddy. He always felt a bit wrong-footed around the ethereal older professor, and sometimes it was because he found it difficult to keep his feelings for her under wraps, but sometimes—like now—it was just because she was so utterly unpredictable. Luna Lovegood had a unique way of viewing the world and he was always captivated to find out what she would say next. “Did you know that the original Hallowe’en lanterns were actually carved out of turnips?”

“Really?” Teddy asked as he scrutinised the dull yellow vegetables in his hand. “They aren’t quite as… festive,” he said uncertainly as she plucked one of them back from him.

“Hmm,” Teddy looked up to see Luna studying the vegetable in her hand with a contemplative look, her puckered lips pulling just slightly to the side like they did whenever she was thinking hard about something. He had the almost-overwhelming urge to dart forward and kiss those lips, but he quenched it, forcing himself to look away. He focused on the view out of the window, where he could see the Hufflepuff Quidditch team practicing looping dives on the Quidditch pitch. His living space may be somewhat cramped, but tucked up in one of the castle’s many small towers at least gave him an enviable view of the Scottish highlands.

“Well, they are more historically accurate,” Luna reasoned. “And besides, we have an ample supply of them, so I would hate to see them go to waste. Let’s you and I try carving one and see how it goes.” Digging once more through her bag, she pulled out two sharp, pointed knives with worn wooden handles.

Teddy handed back one of the vegetables to her as he pulled the small round coffee table closer to them. He tried to tell himself that the only reason he shifted closer was to be able to use the table surface more easily, not because he could feel the warmth radiating from her body heating the entire left side of his body.

“So,” he began, reaching around for something to say to fill the heavy silence of the room. Surely, he couldn’t be the only one feeling this tension between them? But if Luna was feeling anything akin to what he was, she was much better at hiding it. “Why do you have so many turnips?”

Luna set her turnip down on the table and began sawing off the top, sending a shower of dirt down on her bare toes and all over the wood floor. For the first time, she seemed to notice that the turnips hadn’t been cleaned yet and she gave Teddy an apologetic look as she pulled out her tulip-ended wand and scrubbed clean the vegetables before vanishing the small pile of dirt on the floor. Tucking her wand back through the messy knot she was using to tie back her pale, long hair, she answered Teddy’s question.

“I taught the fourth-years about dugbogs last week and Pomona got mighty cross with me last year because they kept sneaking into her greenhouses and feeding on her Mandrakes, so after some experimentation I found that they kept out of the greenhouse if I moved them closer to the Forbidden Forest and gave them plenty of turnips to feast on instead. They don’t like them as much as they do Mandrakes, but they’re also kind of lazy creatures and they don’t like having to travel that much further to the greenhouses.”

He watched her, amused, as she examined her vegetable, slowly rotating it, stopping occasionally to adjust the drooping green leaves emerging from the top. She seemed to come to a decision and leaned forward, carefully setting the turnip down on the table and methodically cutting off the top in small, meticulous cutting motions to ensure the top was as straight as possible.

When she looked over and beamed at Teddy, he realised he’d just been staring at her, probably with a dopey look on his face, and he cut the top of his own turnip off, but with much less attention to detail than she had.

Cutting the top off was the easy part, however, and Teddy really had to focus on what he was doing as he tried to, very carefully, carve out the inside of the vegetable. He very quickly came to realise why carving pumpkins had become a beloved holiday tradition and these traditional lanterns were abandoned, as he carefully carved away small chunks of the pale inside.

They worked in silence for a few minutes before Teddy asked, “So how did you know that traditionally they used turnips?”

“Seamus told me about it,” she replied. Teddy stiffened at the mention of their fellow professor, who had taken over the subject of Muggle Studies this year. Growing up, Teddy had always found the foul-mouthed Irish wizard hilarious and he used to happily use his Metamorphmagus abilities to fulfil the requests of the increasingly intoxicated Seamus at the annual Weasley holiday party at the Burrow. Once Seamus was deep enough into his cups, Teddy liked to play a game of his own making where he would try to see how many times he could make Seamus snort butterbeer out his nose—his record was seven.

“Oh?” Teddy asked, feigning nonchalance. In reality, his entire body had gone rigid at her casual mention of their fellow professor. When Teddy first learned that Seamus had accepted the open position on the staff, he had been excited to be able to socialise with the fun-loving wizard every day. Unfortunately, his initial excitement had quickly fizzled when Seamus seemed a little too interested in chatting up Luna every chance he got. Teddy tried really hard to keep his jealousy in check—after all, it’s not like he and Luna were even a thing...as much as he wished they were—but he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t been tempted on more than one occasion to transform himself into a dragon and make the wizard into a mighty fine meal.

“Mmm-hmm,” Luna hummed distractedly as she leaned down and began carving a stiff, rictus smile into the unyielding vegetable. “We went into Hogsmeade to grab drinks this afternoon.”

“What?!” Teddy cried out in surprise. He didn’t even feel the sharp stab of the knife at first, too distraught by Luna’s casual revelation that she and Seamus had effectively gone on a date earlier. It wasn’t until Luna glanced over at him, the surprise on her face melting into one of concern as she looked down at his lap, that he felt the burning pain and the dampness as his palm started to fill with blood.

“Your hand!” she cried, setting her own half-carved turnip down on the couch beside her and shuffling closer. Her fingers were warm and gentle as she slowly pulled his hand towards her, setting it down to rest on the lacy material covering her thigh.

Teddy tried to pull his hand back, not wanting to ruin the delicate, petal blue material of her skirt, but her long fingers encircled his wrist and pulled his hand back towards her. “You’ll get blood on your skirt,” he protested, cupping his hand to catch the increasing pool of blood.

“Don’t be silly. It’s only a skirt,” she said, pulling her wand out of the bun in her hair while she carefully straightened his hand to better inspect the cut.

“It’s really nothing.” He tried again to retrieve his hand, mortified that she was making such a fuss over him when it was his own stupid clumsiness that got him into this situation in the first place.

She regarded him with a scolding look, or at least, the closest to one that he could ever imagine her donning. “It could get infected. Do you want me to go get Poppy?”

“Merlin, no!” Teddy exclaimed, already imagining the eerily knowing look the elderly matron would give him when she came in here. The woman always seemed to have a preternatural sense when someone was lying and Teddy didn’t think his powers of deception were strong enough to hide the fact that he’d practically cut off his own hand on accident because he’d been so distraught about Luna dating Seamus Finnigan.

“Well then, you’ll just have to let me play the part of Healer, won’t you?” Luna asked matter-of-factly, a mischievous grin tugging at her lips as she pointed her wand at her dress and the pale blue lace of her dress began to transform. Teddy watched, agog, as the seam of her skirt slithered up over her knee and Teddy thought his head was going to explode if it didn’t quit shrinking soon. To his equal horror and delight, it stopped at about mid-thigh as the material smoothened and transformed into a white nurse’s outfit. Only, there was absolutely nothing sterile about this outfit and it would surely not be considered professional in any true medical setting.

“What the hell is that?” Teddy squeaked. He stared appreciatively at the creamy white skin of her inner thighs, much more of which was on display than he had ever seen before, for a few seconds before forcing his gaze away. Only, his eyes next landed on her chest and that proved even more dangerous as there was a deep V of smooth, pale skin dipping between the soft mounds of her breasts on display. He quickly averted his gaze again and found that he couldn’t meet her eyes, so he settled for staring intently at the bridge of her nose.

“If I’m going to be a Healer, then I should dress the part,” Luna said. “Now, let me see your wound.”

It took Teddy a moment to process her request because he was so distracted by her change of fashion. To be honest, he had completely forgotten his injured hand. He didn’t fight her when she took his hand in hers and carefully siphoned away the blood with her wand.

“I… um… have definitely never seen Poppy wearing an outfit like that,” he said, needing to fill the awkward silence. He was also desperate for a distraction because the throbbing pain in his hand was not enough to keep his mind off of how desperately he wished he could slide his hand up the soft skin of her thigh. Fortunately, the mental image of the matron, who was easily old enough to be his grandmother, was helping there.

“No, I don’t think this is really her style,” Luna acknowledged. “I thought a Muggle Healer outfit would be more flattering.”

Teddy squeezed his lips together, trying to stifle a laugh. “I don’t think that would be considered a standard outfit for Muggle Healers either, Luna.”

“Of course it is,” she argued. “I saw almost this exact outfit in a magazine that one of the Muggle-born students was looking at. Of course, I can’t be entirely sure I got all of the details right. He closed it quite quickly when he realised I was walking up behind him.”

Teddy’s eyes took a stroll down her body once more, entirely of their own accord, as she continued mending his hand and he was pretty sure he knew exactly what type of magazine it had been.

“There, I think that’s about done,” Luna declared. Teddy’s head shot up to meet her pleased look just in time. Despite her declaration, she didn’t let go of his hand and Teddy held his breath, wishing this perfect moment could go on forever. The silence stretched between them as Teddy watched Luna’s face, getting lost in the small shifts and tics that betrayed the series of thoughts which must be running through her mind.

Teddy’s mind, on the other hand, was nearly devoid of thoughts. His entire focus fixed on the regret that he had never shown even a shred of proficiency at Legilimency. Sometimes, Luna was a complete enigma to him, like now, and he wished he had a means of enlightening himself to what was going on behind her eyes.

He thought he saw a flash of resolution sweep across her features until she smiled softly at him and batted her eyes. Teddy knew he must be misreading the situation because he would almost swear that she was flirting with him. He swallowed nervously, his mouth suddenly flooded with anticipation as she leaned toward him at a torturously slow pace, lifting his hand up until he could feel the tickle of her breath caressing his palm.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper. He realised he couldn’t recall the last time he’d taken a breath and he sucked in a ragged lungful as he sat, riveted, waiting to see what she was about to do.

She leaned closer, the warmth of her breath pooling in his palm felt more substantial than his own blood had. She stared at him, her eyes never leaving his as she languidly lowered her lips. There was only a tiny sliver of air separating them when she said, in a seductive whisper, “A kiss to make it all better.”

He sucked in a breath as she bent her head just a little more and pressed her lips against the stretched skin of his palm. He could do nothing but sit there, pinioned to the spot as desire and ardour and love erupted inside of him, flooding him until the only thing he was aware of was that one small area where the two of them were connected.

Luna seemed reluctant as she ever so slowly pulled back and a crushing disappointment threatened to drag him under at the loss. Before Teddy had time to consider his actions, he was moving, his hands shooting up to cup Luna’s head as he dove toward her, capturing her mouth with his own.

Luna let out a gasp of surprise, the tail-end of it muffled by Teddy’s mouth crashing against hers. His lapse of control lasted only a moment and as much as he wanted to continue the kiss, to entice this fascinating woman to open her mouth to him and welcome him in, he scraped together the scraps of his sanity and released her. Lest he lose the little control he’d managed to regain, he released his hold on her, the silken strands of her hair slipping across his fingertips.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry about that, Luna,” he swore, angry at himself that he had just fucked up his most valued friendship. Unable to look at her—and still not trusting himself to be this close to her—he moved to stand up but was stopped by her grabbing his shoulder.

“Why?” Luna asked, her voice soft and welcoming and completely devoid of the anger and scorn he deserved.

“I really don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry. I never should have… attacked you like that!” He dropped his head into his hands, wishing he could just Apparate out of this room and pretend this never happened.

“Oh, well yes, it’s generally more polite to ask before kissing someone,” Luna agreed, far too reasonably. “But what I meant was, why did you stop?”

“What?” Teddy’s head whipped up so fast that it was a miracle he didn’t injure himself as he drew Luna a disbelieving look. Her words gambolled around his brain as he tried to figure out whether there was any possibility that he was misunderstanding her.

“You’re so silly, Ted,” Luna laughed. With an unwavering hand on his shoulder, she pushed him back so that he was leaning against the chesterfield. Teddy was just about to ask her what she meant when she made it perfectly clear to him. His heart stuttered as she shifted, leaning her weight on his shoulders as she swung her left leg over him and settled herself down on his thighs.

He sat there, unmoving, afraid that if he made any sudden movements he would shatter the mood and he would scare her away. The look she gave him felt like she was the embodiment of the sun, shining down on him from his lap as she lifted her hand and ran her fingers gently through his hair.

“Your eyes are usually brown,” she said as she traced her finger along his hairline. Trailing her fingertip down the middle of his forehead, she changed directions and traced it over his brow. “But did you know that whenever you’re looking at me, your eyes get these little flecks of gold in them?” 

“I…” he trailed off, lost for words. His lips parted as she continued down his cheek and back over to the corner of his mouth.

“You have permission,” she whispered, brushing her fingertip along his lower lip. When he didn’t react, too entranced by the moment to appreciate what she was saying, she graced him with the most seductive grin he thought he’d ever seen. Placing her hands on his shoulders, she ran them down his triceps, past his elbows and down to his wrists. Teddy was pliant as she lifted his hands and placed them on her waist.

Teddy remained inert for a handful of seconds before he realised that his wildest dreams were, in fact, coming true and Luna—the woman he’d been enchanted by for the better part of two years—was telling him that his desire was reciprocated.

Once the realisation dawned on him, Teddy burst into action, his grip tightening on Luna’s hips and pulling her towards him. He had imagined kissing Luna countless times. In his mind, they had spent hours exploring each other’s bodies, mapping the contours of their mouths, becoming intoxicated on each other’s breath.

As she pushed her fingers through his hair and grabbed it, pulling his head back so his mouth was on offer to her, Teddy marvelled at how pathetic his imagination was. The fire of desire raging through him right now was of an intensity that he had never once approached in his fantasies. Thank Merlin, because if Teddy had any inkling of how explosive their chemistry would be—sleeping, eating, breathing… why would he waste time with such trivial activities when he could be doing this instead?

The next few minutes were a frenzied rush as Teddy, without even a scrap of patience to his name, ripped open the flimsy white costume that was hiding her body from him. Luna threw her head back, the tips of her flaxen hair grazing the skin of his hands as he reached under the blissfully short skirt and squeezed the globes of her arse. 

Criminally short on hands, Teddy put his mouth to work, planting a trail of kisses across her outthrust chest and over to her breast as she ground against him. Her nipples were erect, pressing against the tight fabric of her bra, and he wrapped his lips around one and sucked. The moisture from his saliva had the fabric clinging to her and he leaned back to admire his handiwork.

He only had a moment to appreciate the sight when it was replaced by an even more glorious one, as Luna herself pulled the fabric aside. Teddy dove toward her again, paying homage to the other side this time, sucking and rolling the tight bud around with his tongue to the sweet sound of her moans.

Luna pulled him away, far too soon for his liking. But he couldn’t complain when she reclaimed his mouth with her own, her tongue diving into his mouth and waltzing with his. Her kiss was so distracting that at first, he didn’t register her hands as they slid down between them and started working at the buttons of his trousers. Their kiss increased in frenzy as his zipper was pulled down and she sat up, giving him enough room to shimmy his trousers and pants down far enough to free his cock to spring up between them.

A part of him wished they would slow down so he could commit every moment of their joining to his memory. If he died tomorrow or lived another hundred years, he never wanted to forget the taste of her breath, the smoothness of her skin, or the rainy day smell of her excitement which he thought might be the most delectable smell he’d ever experienced. There was no stopping the runaway train that they were on, though, and Teddy just hoped that he would survive the eventual crash. Even if he did manage to walk away from her after they did this, he would be forever changed by it—his very centre of gravity shifted towards her.

Luna broke their kiss and turned her head to the side. He chased her with his lips, but settled on peppering kisses along her jaw, burying his nose into her hair and inhaling, letting the grapefruit scent of her shampoo fill his lungs. She leaned to the side and he groaned in dissatisfaction, but before the spell of her was broken, she was back and he spared a glance to see that she had her wand in her hand.

He kept himself occupied, sucking softly on the long stretch of her neck that she bared for him as she cast the necessary protective charms before tossing the wand away to the other side of the couch.

Reaching between them, Luna took hold of his cock and held it up so she could align it with the slick entrance to her body. Teddy leaned back, wanting to be looking into Luna’s eyes during that precious moment when they joined. Her spirit sparkled behind her eyes and he kept his eyes open for as long as he could, feeling like he was diving into her soul. Her lashes fluttered as he entered her fully and he groaned at the warm clench on his cock.

Before he could even acclimate to the heaven of her body, she pushed him even higher as she began to move. Her hips swung in a rhythmic motion, the push and pull, advance and retreat, threatening to push him over the edge. He tried to hold out for as long as he could, but the sharp bite of her teeth as she sucked on his lower lip fried the last neuron he had and his release barrelled out of him.

Luna sucked on his lip, making his cock spasm inside her with the final bursts of his orgasm. As soon as it was over, it felt like all the bones in his body were vanished and he melted into the couch. Luna petted him, pushing the hair back off his forehead and he grinned and mustered up the strength to open his eyes and look at her.

“Oh shit, you didn’t even…” he trailed off, mortified that he had lost control and given into his own satisfaction without ensuring she came first.

Luna’s laugh washed over him like a balm, reassuring him that she wasn’t upset with him for losing control like a randy seventh-year. “It’s alright, Ted. You can make it up to me next time.”

“Next time?” Teddy hadn’t even begun to contemplate where tonight may leave them, but his spirits were buoyed by her implication that he would get to do this again.

Luna pulled back, shooting him a quizzical look. “Are you bored of me already?”

Teddy barked out a laugh before leaning forward and kissing her breast, her collarbone, her neck, her jaw, and the tip of her nose. “I could never be bored with you.”

“That’s lovely,” Luna said. His spent cock slipped free of her body and he shivered at the cool air of the room.

“I’m almost positive that Muggle nurses wear underwear,” he teased as he ran his hands up her thighs and towards her welcoming heat, hopeful that the ‘next time’ she promised could start right now.

“Mmm,” Luna hummed as he slid his fingers between her swollen labia and buried two fingers inside her once more. “But this is much more convenient.”


End file.
